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Best Christmas List EVER!

11 years ago

1248 words

Christmas is just around the corner. I’m reminded of this every time I accompany my wife to Hobby Lobby or Michael’s, who have had Christmas decor out since the last week of July. To be exact, only 72 days left to buy gifts for everyone on your lists. So, for all of you who were worrying about buying me great Christmas present, worry no more. I’ve come up with best of the best list for potential gifts. In fact, on the odd chance you are not going to buy me anything I feel the strength of this list transcends my preferences to most anyone in need of a gift. So, pull out your credit cards and wrapping paper, you just might get all of your Christmas shopping done while reading this.

1) My first gift recommendation is one that will help anyone and everyone get in shape. It’s called the “Rom Time Machine.” No, it’s not a space craft or an actual time machine. It’s possibly the best piece of exercise equipment you can purchase. (at least that is what the website says) That same website also says, “The ROM is the least expensive method available.” I’m no math major but after looking at the $14,615 price tag + $185 crating fee + $745 delivery fee, I’m not so sure. My doubts were quickly put to rest by nosing around the site. They explained everything, so I’m convinced. If they wrote it and put it on the internet it has to be true, right? My favorite thing about this machine is that it promises you can get in shape in just 4 minutes a day. Now if that’s not worth $15K+, I don’t know what is.

2) Not everyone is flush enough to buy the “least expensive” piece of workout equipment. This item is more affordable. The Original Hula Chair is also a fitness product that would make anyone’s Christmas day much better. For those of you who regularly read this blog you might remember my idea to get your church congregation in shape with this chair. At 1/66th the price of the ROM, it’s practically free. It will take more than 4 minutes a day but it’s only sitting. I do that about 13 hours every day. I would be like an Olympian with this chair. Get this gift for any person in your life who wants to get in shape but only wants to sit around.

3) If you are shopping for someone more academic a good book is always appreciated. The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China is both riveting and informative. The author describes the book much better than I could.

The latent demand for wood toilet seats in Greater China is not actual or historic sales. Nor is latent demand future sales. In fact, latent demand can be either lower or higher than actual sales if a market is inefficient.In order to estimate the latent demand for wood toilet seats across the regions and cites of Greater China, I used a multi-stage approach. Before applying the approach, one needs a basic theory from which such estimates are created. In this case, I heavily rely on the use of certain basic economic assumptions.

At $495, you can be sure that you are getting the best and latest research on the Outlook of Wooden Toilet Seats in Greater China from 2009-2014. The reviews speak highly of this book too.

4) How many times has this happened to you? You are driving down the highway or stuck in traffic and you desperately need a desk. Maybe it’s to make a nice salad, finishing up that powerpoint presentation on your laptop, or even to sketch a picturesque view of the sunset. The Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk is your answer. This lovely little product gives you all kinds of desk space where you need it most, in your car. For less than $25 you could get you one and give one as a gift. These are especially good for elderly and teenage drivers. These also make great stocking-stuffers.

5) The “Chicken Soup for the ______ Soul” is one of the most popular gift books ever published. These books make great gifts. The only problem is figuring out which one to get your loved ones. What kind of souls do they have? Do they have a kid’s soul, or a grieving soul, a nurse’s soul, or a couple’s soul? Who can know? There are so many kinds of souls. The answer to your problem is Complete Works of Chicken Soup for the Soul(the latest edition) (Chinese Edition). This complete works edition is for every kind of soul you can imagine. (Hunter’s souls, Christmas souls, Prisoner’s souls, etc…) The only little problem is that the book is written in Chinese. This book is even better when it’s paired with Chinese (Mandarin), Conversational: Learn to Speak and Understand Mandarin Chinese with Pimsleur Language Programs.

6) For the culinary artist in your life White Trash Cooking makes a perfect gift. No highfalutin ingredients in this book. This book uses common stuff you can find around your house or dead on the side of highway 7 to make your dishes. If you have given your loved one every color of tube-top imaginable or he/she has all the cars on blocks he/she can handle, this book is a perfect followup gift. The hardcover edition will cost you about 10 cartons of Marlboro Reds ($225) but it’s worth it. You can buy the complete two volume set by purchasing White Trash Cooking II: Recipes for Gatherins (Vol 2)

7) If you want to instantly class up a loved ones house look no further than (25×72) Chuck Norris Fathead Wall Decal. This 6-foot by 2-foot wall decal makes the perfect gift. Not only is this a way to decorate your house it will also do many other things. This Chuck Norris Fathead will deter burglars, keep your house safe from terrorists, or you could put this in your daughter’s room to make sure no “funny stuff” happens with a male suitor. The only problem with this gift is it will make any man in the house feel very inadequate. No one could live up to the power, physique, and prowess of Chuck Norris.

8) After you buy someone a Chuck Norris Fathead they may want to look like Chuck Norris. A good gift for someone wanting to look better is Rejuvenique RJV10KIT Facial Toning Mask Kit.  Strap this little device on, insert a 9-volt battery and start electrocuting your face. It tones and smooths your facial muscles as it sends electrical pulses to your face for 12 minutes. This gift is good for multiple uses. After you give this gift on Christmas, the recipient could use it the following Halloween as a Michael Meyer costume. If you want to look like Chuck Norris, every muscle needs to be peak physical shape, even your face muscles.

9) If you are looking for a gift for a multi-tasker the Shake Weight Dumbbell 5lb for Men with DVD and Free Ashtray is the perfect gift. Do you like to smoke? Do you also like to workout? Do you have trouble finding time to do both? Do them at the same time. The 5lb Shake Weight and 9-ball Ashtray is the perfect combo for the smoking fitness fanatic in your life.




There you have it. My top 9 Christmas gift ideas for 2012. If you have any other suggestions please leave them in the comments section. I would love to get your Christmas gift ideas.

4 Replies to “Best Christmas List EVER!”

  1. Sure, I’m a cookbook hoarder. I admit it. but as i rifled through the pages (online … is that still “rifling”?), I had to slowly back away.

    Just some of my favorite, most-appetizing recipe titles:
    Blackberry Acid
    High-Calorie Pick-Me-Up
    Low-Calorie Pick-Me-Up
    Bonnie Jean Butts’ Banana Pudding (and I actually *really* like banana pudding)
    Rebecca Venerable’s Sauerkraut Salad
    Combination Salad
    Broiled Squirrel
    Aunt Donnah’s Roast Possum
    Jail-House Chili
    Mary Linder’s Washday Soup
    Cooter Pie (the Hunter’s Delight)
    Mock Cooter Stew
    Mammy’s Colored Mashed Potatoes

    Proof I’m not making any of this up is here:

    Great find, Aaron!

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